So there. I turned 25 on the 25th of September, 2010. With a Mary Kay Hibiscus lipstick on my naked lips with lots of fast walking in wedge heels in Orchard. With a bubble-gum-flavored cupcake topped with a small candle made by a friend. With a group picture I didn’t even bother to look at out of suspected emaciated appearance. With Absolut Citron which ended up deposited on a friend’s shelf due to stubborn heel exhaustion, partly. With the body’s transient inability to ride a mass transit which was accountable to that S$20-cab fare on the way to your place of accommodation. All these would just come up while you’re exhausted, on-a-budget and pressured of having to have fun. How’s that? Uhm. Let me choose a word. Sarcastic. You plan and things turn out so-so or the other way around. You squeeze your brain for thoughts facing the monitor but they pour out like typhoon rains when you’re on the toilet disposing your stuff to relieving success and there’s no pen to grab. You thought of having the man, the wedding and the career of your dreams at this marrying age when you were younger but you’ve just blown your candle and all of them remain as were. You’re on the mood for meditating on your first day of Novena and abruptly, there’s a bit painful urge to run and meet up with the throne of comfort. You accompany your friend to watch a film and then suddenly, there’s an abundance of tears courtesy of that powerful scene as you try with all your might to spoil the flow only to find out that you forget your very practical, flower-embossed, bathroom tissue which makes you end up utilising your top’s collar. You’re on a diet in prep for some future commitments then someone sends you an SMS which reads “On the way na. Spag, burger or fries? all? Hahaha.” Your friends get married and start a family, babysitting is the new QT with them. You’re dying to meet Aiden but the ties that connect you to this kid who got bored at P vs Z on his first try are on a TRO. Sarcastic, indeed, slash-ironic. You push a thing away, next minute it’s right in your face. Every once in a while, it’s as if you’re getting incited to your farthest points. And sometimes, beyond. But of course, there will always be a counterpart to those somewhat irksome, tiny affirming measures of your strength of character and EQ. And that is also those that are little, free, sincere, humble and cheap yet lavish you with joy and make you grateful to God.
1. The continuous cognitive transformation of those career-oriented singles (whose S and S you were once manifested of) who have managed to enjoy their lives themselves and see a man’s presence as a bonus to their humble yet fab life of Marga, paychecks and conversations. The truth is, they’re not picky. Picky and careful are two things. Not even a man-hater. And definitely not romantically-challenged at all. They’re just once-brokenhearted and feminists who have now taken off the blindfold and have chosen to see the possibility of sharing oneself with another being. They are just (read:) careful. Because they have so much love for/within themselves. And having that wasted is unthinkable. These singles are coming into a full-blown acceptance of the fact that at some point in their lives, they may also need Ken.
2. The Videoke episode of MMK which may not be a heavy drama but triumphantly relayed a very inspiring message – to find optimism amid life’s adversities. This may not technically solve the problem but it surefire lessens the burden one’s carrying. A comfort philosophy very conducive to be identified with the Law of Circulation. Anything that comes in must come out. Any negative thing that is heard through the left ear must exit through the right. Then, Voila! There’s Balance – the one that you can’t afford to lose when you have immersed yourself in Quest Physics just to have it in your life; the one that when lost for love, the Balinese fortune-teller Ketut Liyer asserts, is part of living a balanced life.
3. The privacy setting control you have over people who are given access to your privacy depending on their depth of sincerity. A friend once said that she’d rather be tagged as a snob as long as she’s able to preserve her privacy. And only people with the sincerest intentions deserve to have access to your private life. People whom you feel secured sharing private details about your life with. And who wouldn’t mind those details in return.
4. The constant intercourse you have with changes. And how you’ve become a no-stranger to its existence. And fearless enough to embrace them and tell the whole world that, “Hey! Look at me now! I’ve changed a lot! Isn’t that amazing?”
5. The freedom of going bra-less in Little India on a sunny afternoon where Indians are out on the streets with their sinful stares.
6. The cooling effect of that prickly heat powder your mom bought for your incomprehensible dermic reactions to heat.
7. Your prayer list which used to be long.
8. The grace you’re manifested of despite the arrival of unexpected awful incidents.
9. The cravings for those delish egg fritters and baked fishballs reminds you of good old times.
10. The good vibes you get from a driver who says “thank you” every time a passenger gets off the bus.
11. The coldness of your skin toners from the fridge. For instant pore therapy.
12. The book your grandmother gave to you after a make-out with it for mere sharing.
13. The chance of not being in a romantic relationship with anybody but yourself at the moment. You’re having the best time and it’s working out.
14. The pleasure of an alone time and clearing your mind while the TV is off.
15. The addictive genes. You’re able to focus on some guilty pleasures and nonsensical things you’re addicted to despite occasionally-occuring attention deficits.
16. The growing number of your god-sons/daughters/nephews/nieces. Kid’s affections are therapeutic. Their innocence gets you down to basics.
17. The unconditional generosity of your parents.
18. The best times you have with your travel buddies who have gone to the other side of the world. It was amazing how silent moments are unawkward with their company.
19. Your few yet real friends who want the best for you and do not rejoice over your li’l failures.
20. The smile you get from other races when they don’t understand your English.
At times, you still have your how-to probes on withdrawing yourself from a long-time anger, becoming not analytical, resigning yourself from being a critic, mending a broken-heart in a span of 3 days so you can face the fourth day as if nothing happened. And during these times, you somehow resort to pretensions. That you are always in control. When in fact, you are breathing and weakness is a default for those who are. And after countless intimate moments with God, He tells you a very classic and sheer approach to life – To simply endure. Whether you eat a pie of Siciliana in a Burrito way with intense passion or you convict yourself with pointless guilt over the dysfunctional stapler you bought just because of its Neon color. The perfect way to endure is always up to your mind’s thoughtful provision. In your quarter life, you may find yourself in a state of crisis or happiness, I choose the latter.
“This is part of letting go. Sabi nga ng tatay ko,ganyan ang buhay. Ibuhos mo ngayon ang lahat. Namnamin ang sarap ng lahat ng nangyayari sayo. Tapos, piliin mo ang sarili mo. Kasi matapang ka.”
– Ping Medina