Between dinner and the morning after

Is it my fault that i would rather choose to spend 12 hours of practice for a musical play than to be imprisoned in a lochia-smelling hospital for 12 hours? Is it my fault that i was born to have this extreme passion for arts, be it performing or writing? Is it my fault that i have a dual personality, one is ambitious and the other one is like that of Garfield? Is it my fault that I’m not happy with what I’ve been kinda forced to be doing with my life lately? Or simply the monsters behind it? Or the miserable people who find happiness in putting on pressure to other people’s lives? Or the “Elitista” people who have seen me wasted? Or is it because i love to sing and dreams of making it to the Broadway someday? Is it my fault that it’s taking me forever to get over this dilemma? Is it because of the final grade of 96.6 in Strat because of the play we presented very good according to that singing professor? Is it my fault that i can visualize myself more of dancing at the stage for the audition to be part of the American Dance Ballet Company rather than rendering perineal care to a 59-yr old patient with CVA? Is it being impractical or is it just being realistic? Am I just being threatened by the demands of the society I’m in? Or I just don’t really want to be here where I am now no matter how comfy my life here is? Or is it because of the box of Ferrero you gave me last Monday that added to my ever growing confusion? Is it because i have the best, the most generous and the most understanding parents on earth that a little mistake will really give me sleepless nights of guilt? Is it because of the small talk I had with a guy who claims that he’s the assistant director of the indie film The Script who stars Mark Gil? Or the nice time i had with my mom last night who assures me that whatever I do with this life is okay with her? Or the thought that my dad’s coming home on the 18th for a break? Or the fact that few days from now you’ll be back in 50 1st Dates already? Or the doubt that you won’t come back as you’ve promised? Or the moment when we had a really great time together? Or my bro when he reminded me again for the nth time to “be careful”? Or the great news i got yesterday from ate jo that i got the highest score in our NCM midterm exams? Or the 1st time ever after a couple of months that i was able to attend sincerely and finish a whole mass in Malacanang? Or I’m just really getting more bored and it slowly eradicates all the positive thoughts in my mind?


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