Emilia

My visitor last weekend: the princess who amazes me with how she’s able to articulately express herself like the story when she said “Help! Help! It’s so very fast!” while on a fast moving car or when she saw a bird while swimming and told the bird, “Hi bird! Don’t leave yet!” or that breakfast scene when she said to the waiter “Excuse me!” as he delivered water to our table or when she reads anything readable anywhere like “Weak or No Signal. Check the aerial cable connection and check saved channels.” on the TV screen or when she exclaimed “It’s a sunny dayyy!” just because the sun is shining brightly outside. Lia, you are one smart, bright and sweet little girl! ̶J̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶t̶i̶t̶a̶ ̶n̶i̶n̶a̶n̶g̶ ♡ ~

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A little work motivation

“To see situations with a silver lining” as Catriona Gray puts it. Repeat 10 times. Hashtag First Night of the Workweek. Hashtag A Super Woman but not Superwoman. Hashtag Laban Maria. 💻 #TheThrowbackSeries

This picture was taken a year ago during my first few days back in the Philippines. I had to wear shades to protect my identity. Haha. So this was a gastronomic experience as I call it because I obviously love food and all things associated with it such as cooking, doing the grocery, visiting the wet market, trying out new dishes, pigging out, dieting etc. Been sober for a couple of months now, have been on an on-and-off relationship with the gym, have shifted to mostly organic products, have been trying my best to clean-eat and to be conscious of my choices. Not a huge, dramatic and radical change though yet but have been really obsessing on doing more research on all of these. Today, something unimaginable happened. I was offered a fitness consultant position at a gym where I just occasionally do cardio and ab workouts. What is happening?

The big day’s morning

The morning before the wedding when the time had come to take the bath of your life, after terminating the role of the night before’s unfinished bottle of gin to cure the cough and there was nothing left to endorse. The law of belief is real. The voice was clear when the vows were released. In other news, the last night of the week has started and the woman thinks she more than deserves every single thing that is related to breathing and relaxing and sleeping and being – this weekend. right, universe?

A human moment

Have you ever tried putting on make up passionately after literally crying buckets of tears? She just did. It was just an ordinary day but she did the make up with contours on her nose and her jawlines, highlights on her brow bones, inner eyes and cheekbones on top of the blush on her cheeks, 3D-penciled her eyebrows, matt-coloured her lips and of course, nailed her winged eyes. She felt the fire in her heart and soul burning intensely it could start a wildfire. Then she smiled. A fierce smile. She told herself she cannot afford to lose herself – the fighter queen in her. The queen was not born a queen. She was made a queen because of the many fights she has won. So she put on the make up not because she is taking a pitstop. Pitstops are for the indecisives, the imbeciles who believe that they have plenty of time. She put on make up because she is still going to face the world, with her made up face and head up high, no fucking matter what. Because she is not that same woman anymore.

That feeling of having been just born again. Thank You God for another answered prayer. I have not been on my sensible senses for the past couple of months. But one thing has always remained in me – You are the Greatest and the Most Powerful. And that as long as I remain in You, I will always be in good hands, in the right direction, on the right path. How can I ever thank You, my Father?

A letter to my soulmate of 13 years

How do I start? While I was on the road thinking about putting this title into the blog-sphere, thoughts kept on coming. There were just a lot of right words. A lot literally. And now, I’m asking myself how to start this thing right here. I guess it’s just never ever easy to profess your love for someone who has grown so much through the years. Together with the whole you. The totality of yourself as a human being. It’s just never easy to pour out everything in one blog post. It is not just possible. Because even if the moment comes that we feel the need to express every reason that our heart beats for, there are just some things which can never be expressed in words. Nor actions maybe. And it’s just always never that easy to accept the path that has been laid on you when it means you are going to temporarily be away from that one soul that yours has been intertwined with for a gazillion years. Nevertheless, I will finish this post because you have always believed that I’m a writer and that you have always taken pride of my love letters to you, I believe. And I just can’t let this remaining chance pass by without writing an open letter to you once more.

So there, my soul mate, there’s this quote I chanced upon while reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love years ago. It says,

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master.”

I believe this is us. These are us. These have been us. These have been us for the past 13 years. For the past 7 months. We have pushed each other to our limits. We have tested each other’s loyalty. We have given excruciating pains to each other. We have hurt each other indescribably. We have thrown intensely hurtful words to each other. We have become untrue to our promises for each other. But we are here. Still together. Clueless on why the universe has chosen us to be together right here on this path that we are both standing at. All we know is that there is just one unexplainable, out-of-this-world, unimaginative, incomprehensible force that maybe binds us together. I don’t know what this has found on us. But it just continues to exist. And to say that it has been a roller-coaster ride is an understatement, my love. Heaven and hell do exist because we have been through both of them. And with that, I’m proud of you and me. I’m proud of us. I’m proud of the people we have become. I’m proud of the lessons we have learned. And I feel blessed about this once-in-a-lifetime chance of being able to have found my other soul in you. 

People may give their opinion about us based on what they see and who they are but I will always hold on to that one thing you always say, You and I know the true story.

Thank you for revealing to me that I can be stronger, wiser, more patient than I was before. Thank you for making me realize that I have a lot of love to give. That I just have to free myself from fear of any kind for that love to flow freely from my heart to the world. To love is to be courageous. Brave enough to fight all the hurdles along the journey. Because love is not just a fairy tale, there is just so much realities of life that go along with it. And no fearful person can love another. To love is to accept the totality of the person you love without conditions, without hesitations. To love is to be unselfish. To love is to free yourself from any grudge. To love is to forgive over and over again. To love is to hope for the best and leave everything to Him.

Wherever this road may lead us, we both know where we stand in each other’s lives. Until we meet again. In this lifetime. And in the lifetimes to come. I love you.

Home

Happiness equals to breathing in fresh air in the morning, running through familiar streets, sweating out all the stress your system has endured for the longest time, freeing your mind from anything, being with people who revitalize you, eating your ever favorite fish soup, looking and feeling oh-so-good about yourself, being able to love yourself more, losing unnecessary weight, doing things that make you happy, having dinner with your loved ones, talking your heart out, investing on your self-worth, laughing your heart out, writing down your thoughts, being fearless, getting a new tattoo, singing a good song, seeing long-lost friends, not feeling alone when you’re with someone and surrounded with people, being brave, surpassing a long day, knowing what to say, being able to see the bright side, being decided, wearing fab skirts, dresses and heels, feeling like you’re on the right path, chatting with your best friends, having coffee, reading a book, walking in the park, being free, having someone listen to your monologue, enjoying the sunset, witnessing the sunrise, spending time with yourself, having dinner with your parents, living with sensitive people, giving your time, having people ask you ‘how are you?’ and sincerely listen to what you have to say, conversing over coffee at the end of the day, having a date with your mom, getting words of wisdom from your sib, giving pieces of advice to someone in need, being there for your friends, sleeping with your heart in peace, doing all of these in a place you call ‘home’.

For my dearly departed

Three sudden deaths of people I know but do not personally know in just a week. This is just one reminder how short life is. One minute, you are with these people talking to them about things you both have something to say about. Next minute, they are gone. All that was left are the memories you had with these people – good and not-so-good memories; the lessons you learned from them. And these things are inevitable. Like the sun when it lights up the universe at daytime and the moon at nighttime. And we are like the earth that holds as much as it can, that continues to rotate each day and revolve each year. Because these things are inevitable. And we are just here. Going with the flow. Until it’s our turn. Because these things are inevitable. 

Currently listening to Franco’s For My Dearly Departed.

When I woke up it seems
Like my world was caving in
I won’t break down this time
I will be fine.

With dull dimensions speaking of the truth
And howls of chaos the bleeding of the moon
Rounding up this time
I will be fine.

Let your love caress me
Like the tide embraces the sea
Let our soul connection
Bring me alive today.

Am I lost and can be found
Heaven’s locked, hell not a sound
All my angels left and gone
It rains down.

Turn the key enough for rescue
And burn the light
The light that burns through
But here it comes again
It rains down.

Well live your life a little
Breathe in and out a little
Say a prayer for you

Let your love caress me
Like the tide embraces the sea
Let our soul connection
Bring me alive today.

“In that same 1981 speech, Ninoy said:

“You can end a man. You can imprison his body, but you cannot imprison his soul, and as long as a man will refuse to be defeated, he is never defeated.”